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Do you need money? So do I, that's why my friends and I are trying to win this TBS contest. You folks helped our "Homeland Security" sketch get into the finals and now we need your votes again to win the grand prize - $10,000, plus the sketch gets aired on TBS. Voting ends this Sunday at midnight.
*You can forward this by hitting "reply" and copying the text, then paste it into a bulletin of your very own.
Thanks for the support!
- Jim Tews
"It was because of their zone defense" - I will repeat that phrase over and over again this week anytime someone brings up the college super bowl game between the Univeristy of Florida and Ohio State. The observation that Ohio's "zone defense" wasn't working against Florida isn't even my own. It's something I heard my girlfriend's dad say last night during the game. I figured he must be right on, since all the other guys in the room agreed, and even seemed impressed with his perception. So I adopted that phrase as the one I would use in conversation for the days following the big game, as I do with every major sports event. It's how I survive as a near-queer in a world the world of male sports fans.
I'm originally from Allentown, PA so growing up "my teams" were always Philadelphia teams. Every Christmas I would get at least one or two pieces of Philly sports paraphernalia from a family member who didn't know the sad truth. Even when I played sports, and I played them all, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Baseball was the only sport I was even remotely good at and had any interest in, but I always felt like a fraud. When I was twelve my dad took me to meet Darren Daulton at a local sporting goods store. When I walked up to him, I handed him a ball to sign and said "You led the league in RBIs in 1992." That was something I had heard someone else say a few weeks prior.
I will always back Philly teams, just because it's all I know. I hope the eagles win it all this year. I think they will do just fine, especially with Jeff Garcia playing the position of quarterback. I really have to say I think "Garcia is running this version of the west coast offense to near perfection." If you were around my house over the holidays, you would've heard me make that statement every time someone brought up the Eagles. I even said it on Christmas day, when I was watching the Philly - Dallas game with my dad and uncles. Everyone agreed with me and they seemed impressed with my observation. It even sparked a heated debate over who was a better player, McNabb or Garcia. I would've joined in, but I was out of ammo. When the game was over and the Eagles had won, I said "So now we go on to the super bowl?" The room went silent. I laughed, then everyone else laughed. I think only my aunt knew the truth, that I wasn't joking. I really thought that this win would put us in the big game. I walked back out to the kitchen where I comfortably joined the discussion my aunts were having; who's more likable, Rachel Ray or Kelly Ripa.
I like sports, I like watching a good game on TV, or even going to the stadium to see one in person. But it's all a wasted effort, I might as well be staring at a fish tank. The sad part is, I really wish I knew about sports. I have a lot of respect for athletes, and I can appreciate the nuances of the game. I just don't get it. I could watch ESPN until my corneas dried up and I'd walk away remembering nothing but the funny commercials. I know I'm not the only one. I know there are others like me out there. They're putting on there home team jersey's and going to the games. They're hanging out in sports bars and watching the games on TV. But they're hiding a terrible, terrible secret. They know nothing about sports. They're just watching the game and following cues. Cheering when all the other guys wearing the same color as them are cheering and just waiting for someone like me to start the wave.